Bullet Witch (ACTUAL Game Review)

Bullet Witch did not receive good reviews upon its release 12 years ago for the Xbox 360, so I have no idea who thought bringing this to PC would be a good idea, but I at least respect them for that. The port itself is actually great, but the game behind it is not.

Pros:

Quality port. My biggest surprise when going into Bullet Witch was just how well-done the port is. The main factors here being the increased framerate and resolution options. I was able to play through the game just fine running at 1080p with a constant 60fps. The game adapts well to mouse and keyboard control as well, with the camera never really posing a problem (which it apparently did in the original). The game certainly does not look better than when it was released, but at least it runs well.

Crazy physics. I found Bullet Witch to have some crazy, yet fun physics. Considering the game was released 12 years ago and was never really a high-budget title to begin with, the physics were not at all made to be realistic. I would call in a meteor storm and have all these buildings surrounding me crumble to the ground in the most hilariously unrealistic fashion. It was actually quite nostalgic and I had a blast everytime I blew apart the environment like that. I give the original devs props for going so far as to make the environment destructible in the first place.

Cons:

Dull gameplay. Unfortunately, a good port cannot save Bullet Witch from having dull gameplay. The shooting itself just feels flat. There is little impact when hitting enemies and being hit yourself also offers little feedback. The shooting mechanics were so barebones that it felt like an old-school arcade game. It also does not help that throughout the course of the game there are maybe three or four different enemy types constantly being thrown at the player. That and the AI behind these enemies is basically nonexistent. The enemy variety is lacking even given the time period in which the game was originally released.

Annoying cutscene flickering. Perhaps the one flaw with the porting work done here is that the cutscenes have this strange flickering issue. I would like to describe it as screen tearing, but it is so unlike regular screen tearing that I think it is a different problem entirely. The flickering itself affected the upper third or so of each cutscene and it looked like it was lagging behind a frame or two, but not in a straight line like regular screen tearing. It is honestly quite bizarre.

Laughable voice acting. A rather minor complaint, as it is only really a problem with the main character, but the voice acting done there is just atrocious. The dialogue itself is bad enough, but coupled with this voice acting resulted in me cringing everytime the heroine spoke a line. It is just that bad.

The port itself is great, but the underlying game is just bad. The gameplay is dull, the enemy variety and AI is lacking, and the voice acting is just cringy. It is perhaps best used as an example of what a good port can be, but other than that it is just not worth it.

You can buy Bullet Witch on Steam here.

I was provided a free review copy of the game in order to write this review. Read more about how I do my game reviews here.